alone

It's times like these that I feel most alone. Which is silly really because I do realize how not alone I actually am. I have an amazing family. Great friends. I'm even slowly getting the whole God is always with you thing worked out in my head. Logically, intellectually I know that I'm not even close to being alone. So why do I feel so alone tonight? I'm sitting here in my borrowed bedroom while my mom cries herself to sleep in hers, while my friends sleep in their beds and God watches over from above. No one is here to hold my hand. There's no shoulder to cry on. No one to wipe away my tears. I can't reach over four hundred miles to hug my mom. I won't pick up the phone and wake my friends up at 1230 in the morning just to hear my sniffling. And God... all knowing and all powerful God... who's always there but not there... you can't reach out and touch him... can't pick up the phone and call him. Physically alone but not actually alone. Either way I'm not liking it tonight. Tonight I feel like a piece of me is missing. I can't exactly put my finger on what that piece is but it's definately left a hole in me... which could be why I am feeling so alone... when really, in reality, I'm not actually alone in this world at all.