too nice??

Is it possible for Brian and I to walk away from this whole thing and still remain really good friends? For years Brian was my best friend. More than losing a husband I feel like I'm losing my best friend too. I know that being friends isn't the easiest thing... it would take a lot of work and effort... but I can't just see myself cutting Brian out of my life completely. I don't see myself ever not caring about him. Sure it'll be in a different way but still... it's just all so complicated. People keep telling me I should hate him. Take him for everything he's got and not look back... but I can't do that. That's not me. I keep getting told that I'm being to nice... but I don't know any other way to be. I'm finding it hard because I think I care too much. I want him to be happy. I want him to have a good life, but it's like I see him on this crash course for disaster and... it's just hard for me to not try and help him. I've always had this misguided notion that I had to save Brian, but it's not my job to save him. I probably did more harm than good all of these years thinking that he needed me to save him. I mean how fucked up in the head must I be to actually sit here and care what happens to the guy who just up and bailed on our marriage, spent my entire last paycheck like it was his money, is out partying it up living the good life and sleeping with everyone and their sister? Guess I'm pretty f-up because despite all that I do care and I don't think that's going to change. But somehow I've got to distance myself from that. I've got to step back and let him live his life however he thinks is best. And whether I agree or think he's destined for disaster doesn't matter because it's his life and therefore it's his to live. I've got enough to worry about without throwing his issues into the mix. I really wish there was an on and off switch for these things. I'd turn off caring and turn on hating his guts because I think that is the reaction that is expected of me. But I don't want to be bitchy. I don't want to be petty. I don't want to hate him for going after what he thinks will bring him happiness. And maybe it will bring him happiness. Or maybe it won't. Either way I've got to be okay with it... I'm not Brian's savior anymore... I don't think I should have ever tried to be.