the last day

So I'm spending my last few hours ever in this house. As of tonight I will no longer live here. I will no longer sleep here. I will no longer eat here. I will no longer do anything here... this day has been hard. Brian came to clean up and help me take the bed apart and move stuff downstairs so it'll be easier to take out and move. I cried and cried. Which sucks because I hadn't cried in over a week and I was liking the no major emotional breakdown thing!! I knew today would be hard. I just didn't realize how hard. Suddenly I feel homeless. I'm scared of what the future will bring... of not knowing what is around the corner for me. I just want to curl up into a little ball, huddle in a corner and stop the world for a while. Sadly I don't get that option. I really wish that I was tougher, stronger somehow. That I could just do what I needed to do without even blinking an eye. No tears. Just face the future fearlessly. Strong or not I've got to move forward. I'm going to have to move my stuff out one box at a time, close the door and drive away. I just don't have a choice... and while admitting defeat and finding some dark corner of the world to hide in might be all I want to do right now... I can't let myself do it. Life is like that sometimes. You don't always get to do what you want to do. Sometimes you have to do the opposite of what you want to do. And sometimes you have to do the very thing that you never thought you'd be able to do.