goodbye Brian

I've got to tell Brian goodbye. He doesn't want me as his wife and for now atleast I can't be his friend. Goodbyes suck. Especially goodbyes that you never thought you'd have to say... goodbyes that you never wanted. But this goodbye is good for me. I need the closure. I need lot's of space and time and distance between what we use to be and what we're going to be... I'm hoping to one day reach the point where I feel like we can be friends... but right now I just don't feel like that's possible for me. It's hard not to pick up the phone and call him. Hard not to worry about him. Hard not to talk to him at all. After over eight years of being in constant contact with a person it's hard to just suddenly..... stop! Right now though stopping is good. It's too hard on me otherwise. I've got to completely let go. I'm finding it alot harder to let go of my "best friend Brian" than my "husband Brian" but somehow I've got to find the strength to let go of them both. I want to move on with my life and I can't do that by holding on to the past. If you know Brian you'll know that Brian pretty much gets whatever Brian wants. With that being said we might as well end it like we lived it (aka- me giving in and letting him have his way). He wanted me to let him go... so I am... completely.