the list

I always mean to do a better job at keeping up with this whole blogging thing. Fact is I always mean to do alot of things...

finally fill out and file those divorce papers

file my taxes

study and CLEP a few classes so I can finish my associates by next spring

separate mine and Brian's car insurance

get insurance lined up for when my divorce is final

eat healthy

exercise

lose five or ten pounds

call my mom more

not always procrastinate on my school work

clean out my teacher's closet @ work

buy some new khaki pants for work

go to the tanning bed

run a 5K

hang out with friends more

take a vacation with the boyfriend

Really the list could go on and on... yet all I do is sit and stress about all of these things that I need/want to do... some big and others small... but the point is I never do them. I feel like I barely have the energy to even think about getting them done much less accomplishing the actual goal of completing them.

That's what I've always excelled at most in life - Never completing anything!

And I guess it's been this self fulfilling prophecy for me. I'm easily overwhelmed and perhaps just a bit too intimidated to even start. I'm depressed and I know it but yet I sit and do nothing. I want things to change but I never take the time to actual work at changing them!

Too often I use my depression or anxiety as an excuse. Or as a crutch. I'll ride it out until I'm on an upswing and then get as much done in that time as possible.

Well that game plan isn't working! I've got to learn to make myself function and get things done even when the depression and anxiety are present. I can't simple sit on my ass and expect a free pass until I feel like I can better handle a situation. I've got to learn how to handle things as they come. Not stuff all of my problems into box expertly wrapped with duct tape and labeled "To be opened when I'm having a better day!"

My life is now! Today! Not Tomorrow! And I need to start living it as such.