what i didn't see

Do I get so involved in my own life that I fail to see what is going on in the life of others?

Recently a situation with a really good friend has made me question myself. Even saying "good friend" I feel extremly guilty because I feel like I wasn't the best friend to her. I knew something was off. Thought to myself he wasn't a "good" guy. But can you base a warning soley around the fact that everything in you thinks the guy is a complete "loser." Does that give you the right to bash whoever your friend chooses to be with and encourage her to leave? And even though I had nothing but negative feelings for the guy I never entertained the idea that he would be violent?

Why didn't I see it? Looking back I remember little things I should have pieced together. All the times she was sore from working out. The cigarette burn on her forehead. The time she told me he got in her face and she was afraid he was going to punch her. The one and only time she confided to me she was afraid to leave.

She was unhappy and even without the abuse it was a horrible situation for her and her kids to be in. At times I encouraged her to leave. Made sure she knew that I would be there for her... hell some friends and I even lined up a place for her to live, arranged for someone to watch the baby while she was at work and I even offered her my car to drive til she could save for her own... but still she stayed.

Stayed while she worked and he did nothing but sit at home on his ass. Stayed when he ran up money on her debit card and overdrafted her account by thousands of dollars. Stayed when his lack of even trying to get a job caused them to be homeless for a short time. Stayed when two weeks after having the baby she was working a cleaning job til she was medically cleared to come back to her real job while he still sat on his ass. Stayed when there wasn't any money for food and at times she wouldn't eat just to make sure her girls ate. Stayed when he was abusing her...
This idea is so foreign to me and I just can't wrap my head around it. I'm not so naive to think that situations like this don't happen... or maybe I am... compare to most I've lived a sheltered life... I think I forget the capacity people have to be insanely cruel and evil... but that still isn't a good excuse...

I should have known. I should have paid more attention. I should have tried harder to get her to leave. All I'm left with are a lot of should have's and a friend who really needed me... and I wasn't there.