On my own

So..... I'm getting divorced!!!! Wow I never thought I'd ever have to type those words. I don't think that anyone ever really does when they get married. You know because of the standard "I'm going to love you forever and ever to death do us part bullshit." Sometimes it just doesn't work. Actually I think fifty percent of the time it doesn't work but still you never think that it's going to happen to you. So how am I feeling? Well let's see... I can't sleep, I'm down to 106 pounds because I can't eat, I feel absolutely lost and all alone in the world, I burst into tears randomly, and I'm scared to death because I don't know what the hell I'm going to do and what the future is going to hold... but you know what? All of that's okay because I'm here...I'm trying... and scared or not of the future tomorrow is going to come anyway... so I've got to face it. I'm trying to take each day as it comes. I've got to try and stand on my own two feet. I've been leaning on everyone around me for the past week and I've got to let go... trust myself... depend on myself. I leaned on Brian for nine years and now I find myself not knowing how to stand on my own. I've got to learn and learn fast. For once in my life I've got to make my own happiness. To learn what makes me happy and go after it. How the hell am I going to do that? Well now... that's the big question... but I'm sure sooner or later I'll find the answer.