glad that's over...

Let's just clear one thing up right here and right now. There is no hope of Brian and I ever getting back together. I don't want us to get back together. Even though Brian is the one who officially ended things I am glad that the marriage is over too. Brian now, isn't the Brian I married then. I think our marriage failed for one main reason. Brian changed and I didn't change with him. With that said... if Brian hadn't of ended things I would probably still be with him, still trying to be happy, still trying to make things work... because that's what I promised to do. I took my marriage vows seriously and I would have stuck by his side even if that wasn't the best place for me. It's just a really confusing thing. I wouldn't have ended the marriage myself but I'm glad that he ended it. Like I said... confusing. I feel like I owe Brian for doing the one thing I couldn't do... ending things... they needed to be ended... I just couldn't bring myself to take that step because when I married him that is the one thing I promised never to do. We probably should have been divorced a year ago... he wanted it to be over then but I fought for my marriage. I made it work, forced it to work, sacrificed myself for a year and we still ended up at the same place anyway. With that said I don't regret one single day of my marriage... everyday, especially the 365 hard fought ones of the last year have brought me to this point and to the person I am today. I didn't give up... I tried... I feel like I held up to my part of the bargain... and that's why I feel like I can walk away knowing that this is the right thing and that I did everything in my power to honor my promise to Brian. The Brian that is no longer my Brian... because my Brian doesn't exist anymore.