I can Swim

(reposting this one from my myspace page... I finally got rid of the virus so now I can actually log into my blog page)
So my computer has a virus. I've tried everything to get rid of it or atleast my dad has walked me through various ways to get rid of it and nothing works. Apparently I'm going to have to reformat or reinstall something (or everything) and then it should be fixed but my dad has to send me the disks and walk me through the process!?!? (If that sentence doesn't tell you how little I know about computers, nothing will!) Do you know what I did when my computer started refusing to work for me? I laughed! Tears rolling down my face, hysterical laughter... I mean what else was there to do but laugh after the past few weeks I've had. My husband decides he doesn't want to be married anymore. Sending me into mini-meltdown mode... okay well at times major meltdown mode. My parents want me to come home and move back into my old bedroom and I piss them off and fight with them (mainly mom) because I decide to stay here. My dog proceeds to chew up half of my belongings because I keep forgetting and leaving everything down for her to chew on. (Well maybe not half my belongings) My cell phone no longer works properly because I cried on it and therefore messed up some vital component that I'm sure I know nothing about fixing. I then go on to annoy and piss people off who are just trying to help me because I can't see past my own "my life is now over drama." And now my computer... now if only I could get my dog ran over that would complete the sob story, right? Wrong. I refuse for my life to become some sad little story. It's like this. For the past few weeks I felt like I was drowning. Like I literally couldn't keep my head above water. I've been desperately reaching out for anything or anyone to hold on to. All I could think was, "okay this is it, I'm going under and this is the end unless someone or something holds me up." I was fully prepared to go under... I was going to drown... and then yesterday it's like I woke up and remembered I could swim. Corny, I know, but it's the best way I can describe it. I don't need a raft or a lifeguard I can make it to the surface myself. I'm finally feeling "normal" again. Like I can hold my own in this world. That horrible feeling of desperation is fading. I no longer feel like I'm two seconds from bursting into tears. I no longer feel like my life is over... but rather the opposite. Sure everything is changing and that still scares me shitless but I'm okay with the change and maybe the fear isn't such a bad thing. Fear I can handle... desperation, drowing, depression I can not. Now don't get me wrong I'm not under the impression that it's smooth sailing from here on out... I'm already discovering that this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life... but I am beginning to think I can do this... no strike that... I know I can do this. (I can swim, remember!?!) And I'm actually looking forward to living again. Not just existing, but actually living!