me now...

I'm insecure.
At times I think I might be alone forever.
I don't feel beautiful.
I don't feel smart enough.
Or independent enough.
Or funny enough.
Or likable.
Deep down Brian leaving me made me feel unwanted.
Like I wasn't good enough.
Somedays I'm lonely.
Somedays I'm scared.
I don't talk about these things.
Don't want to admit that a big part of me is still broken inside.
It's easier to put on a smile.
Laugh at the appropiate times.
Make the appropiate responses.
Pretend that all is well and good.
That I'm whole.
Not still on the edge of the cliff.
Constantly trying to pull myself back.
I haven't cried in months.
But that's not because I haven't wanted to.
Maybe I should cry.
Cry for the girl I used to be.
Who was confident.
Didn't second guess everything.
Didn't cling on to people for dear life.
The girl who was innocent.
Who thought love really could conquer it all.
That life was fair.
The girl that I'll never be again.