dear baby Stewart

Yesterday your daddy got you one step closer to no longer being an illegitamate baby, lol!!! He might have been a little nervous... considering he did drop the ring and there was the fact that he almost forgot to get down on one knee... but nevertheless we are officially engaged and we're incredible excited to be one step closer to being our own little family of three!!

And we most not forget to give a shoutout to your great grandma who made this much BLING possible by passing down her diamond ring to your daddy.

from Gregory

I was always annoyed before by girls that bragged or went on and on about how wonderful their guy was...

So if you are like I was before you are just going to have to get used to being annoyed because...

My guy sure is wonderful!!!!

4 weeks and counting

surprises

Life is full of surprises. Some are good, some are bad but most are what you make of them. Wanna know my surprise...

Yes that is a positive little blue line... and it's quite a bit darker than the one I took just the night before. The test were a two for one deal, but when I took the first one I had just peed three times in the past hour. There was a faintest of faint blue line that showed up which only left me even more confused than when I had first peed on the darn thing - so I decided to take the next one in the morning.

3:40 am rolled around and I felt like my bladder was going to explode, so to the bathroom I went where I immediately started freaking out because I couldn't find the extra test. Greg's cat likes to play with weird things so here I was yelling at him like an insane woman about skinning his cat alive when he found the supposed MIA test behind the picture frame on the counter. Needless to say two minutes and an apology later we were watching a little blue line move across the screen.

Shock was my first reaction.

Followed immediately by happiness.

This wasn't planned but many times the best surprises hit you straight in the face at 3:40 am on a thursday morning.

What can you do but roll with it?!

Gregory and I are both excited for this new journey and look forward to the many more 3:40 wakeup calls to come!!

whirlwind!

The past couple of months I feel like my life has been a whirlwind of fear, hope, joy, stress, laughter, and tears. My days have been filled with work, school, trips to North Carolina, cancer diagnosis, new love, good news and bad. Things finally seem to be mellowing out and I'm relieved for the opportunity to catch my breath.
The journey of cancer is never a fun one and now its forever going to be the new path that my family is own. January 13th (friday the 13th!!!) my mom underwent a double massectomy. The surgery was a success and her tumor was completely removed. The doctor's were very optimistic that it hadn't spread so we were cautiously overjoyed as we awaited the final pathology report. When the call came the doctor confirmed our hopes- the cancer didnt spread... but that was the good news... the bad was that when examining her lymph nodes they discovered that she also has lymphoma.
My mom reacted with courage. Just another hurdle that God wanted her to clear.
But I was angry.
Not one cancer but two? Really God, is this some cruel joke? I am not okay with you taking my mother away from me just yet.
While my mom is accepting I'm ready to throw daggers at cancer and a God who allows my mom to suffer.
I'm still trying to work it all out in my head. Find a purpose in it all. Try to understand why we are to find joy in our suffering... but those are thoughts I might never work out.
Atleast my anger has cooled some. My mom's lymphoma appears to be in the early stages and not active at the present moment. So now its just months to years of watch and wait. If it ever becomes active... starts spreading... we treat it... in the hopes that it will become dormant again. Lymphoma as it turns out has no cure, only treatment.
So for the moment my feelings are stable, just like the cancer. I'm currently thinking positively towards the whole thing and I'm hopeful for the future. (Though I can't promise how I might feel when the time comes to start fighting the good fight.)

There has been one constant throughout this whirlwind of events and emotions... a certain Mr. Gregory Stewart.

In just a couple of months he has become my rock to stand on. When the waters were rising and I felt like I was about to be swept away he was there to hold me up. After Brian, I promised myself that I would never lean on someone else again. Never depend on someone to help me through... but when you find someone so perfect for you as he is for me you can't help but let yourself let go.
I'll have to do atleast one sappy post about how amazing he really is but for now I've leave it with the simple revelation that we are plotting forever together and I couldn't be happier!

Dear Cancer,

Microglandular Adenosis Carcinoma

I am not really sure how I feel about you yet. Sure I dislike you, probably hate you but I'm trying not to judge you to harshly yet and give you the benefit of the doubt. Supposedly you are a lazy cancer, so I definitely appreciate your slowness. And I am hoping that you chose to expose your existence very early on in the game. If not and you've been hiding we are going to have words about that and I am sure that at least on my part they won't be very nice words. And quite frankly I am very upset that, at the very least, my mom is going to lose a part of herself because of you. All I can ask really is that you be content with what my mom is having to give you and chose not claim anything else. I promise you and I will be on somewhat good terms if you go completely away after surgery. If not and you have chosen to stick around know that you are going to have a hell of a fight on your hands. I would suggest giving up and waving the white flag of surrender now. It'll be easier on both parties that way.

And ps- I love my mom and I am not letting you take her!

Sincerely yours,

Elizabeth

suprises

Life is full of surprises.

Some good.

Others bad.

And sometimes life likes to get really tricky with these suprises and throw you two at once...

The good... a certain someone named Gregory.

The bad... my mommy has cancer.

Which leaves me at a total loss of what to say or how to feel. Part of me can't stop smiling. Part of me can't stop crying.

To have life give you a new love but threaten to take away an old one is cruel.

Or is it a blessing?

Or perhaps a wake up call?

For now all I know to do is focus on life and love itself. The old and the new. And prayerfully hope that life is going to let me enjoy both simultaneously for many more years to come.