The past couple of months I feel like my life has been a whirlwind of fear, hope, joy, stress, laughter, and tears. My days have been filled with work, school, trips to North Carolina, cancer diagnosis, new love, good news and bad. Things finally seem to be mellowing out and I'm relieved for the opportunity to catch my breath.
The journey of cancer is never a fun one and now its forever going to be the new path that my family is own. January 13th (friday the 13th!!!) my mom underwent a double massectomy. The surgery was a success and her tumor was completely removed. The doctor's were very optimistic that it hadn't spread so we were cautiously overjoyed as we awaited the final pathology report. When the call came the doctor confirmed our hopes- the cancer didnt spread... but that was the good news... the bad was that when examining her lymph nodes they discovered that she also has lymphoma.
My mom reacted with courage. Just another hurdle that God wanted her to clear.
But I was angry.
Not one cancer but two? Really God, is this some cruel joke? I am not okay with you taking my mother away from me just yet.
While my mom is accepting I'm ready to throw daggers at cancer and a God who allows my mom to suffer.
I'm still trying to work it all out in my head. Find a purpose in it all. Try to understand why we are to find joy in our suffering... but those are thoughts I might never work out.
Atleast my anger has cooled some. My mom's lymphoma appears to be in the early stages and not active at the present moment. So now its just months to years of watch and wait. If it ever becomes active... starts spreading... we treat it... in the hopes that it will become dormant again. Lymphoma as it turns out has no cure, only treatment.
So for the moment my feelings are stable, just like the cancer. I'm currently thinking positively towards the whole thing and I'm hopeful for the future. (Though I can't promise how I might feel when the time comes to start fighting the good fight.)
There has been one constant throughout this whirlwind of events and emotions... a certain Mr. Gregory Stewart.
In just a couple of months he has become my rock to stand on. When the waters were rising and I felt like I was about to be swept away he was there to hold me up. After Brian, I promised myself that I would never lean on someone else again. Never depend on someone to help me through... but when you find someone so perfect for you as he is for me you can't help but let yourself let go.
I'll have to do atleast one sappy post about how amazing he really is but for now I've leave it with the simple revelation that we are plotting forever together and I couldn't be happier!
The journey of cancer is never a fun one and now its forever going to be the new path that my family is own. January 13th (friday the 13th!!!) my mom underwent a double massectomy. The surgery was a success and her tumor was completely removed. The doctor's were very optimistic that it hadn't spread so we were cautiously overjoyed as we awaited the final pathology report. When the call came the doctor confirmed our hopes- the cancer didnt spread... but that was the good news... the bad was that when examining her lymph nodes they discovered that she also has lymphoma.
My mom reacted with courage. Just another hurdle that God wanted her to clear.
But I was angry.
Not one cancer but two? Really God, is this some cruel joke? I am not okay with you taking my mother away from me just yet.
While my mom is accepting I'm ready to throw daggers at cancer and a God who allows my mom to suffer.
I'm still trying to work it all out in my head. Find a purpose in it all. Try to understand why we are to find joy in our suffering... but those are thoughts I might never work out.
Atleast my anger has cooled some. My mom's lymphoma appears to be in the early stages and not active at the present moment. So now its just months to years of watch and wait. If it ever becomes active... starts spreading... we treat it... in the hopes that it will become dormant again. Lymphoma as it turns out has no cure, only treatment.
So for the moment my feelings are stable, just like the cancer. I'm currently thinking positively towards the whole thing and I'm hopeful for the future. (Though I can't promise how I might feel when the time comes to start fighting the good fight.)
There has been one constant throughout this whirlwind of events and emotions... a certain Mr. Gregory Stewart.
In just a couple of months he has become my rock to stand on. When the waters were rising and I felt like I was about to be swept away he was there to hold me up. After Brian, I promised myself that I would never lean on someone else again. Never depend on someone to help me through... but when you find someone so perfect for you as he is for me you can't help but let yourself let go.
I'll have to do atleast one sappy post about how amazing he really is but for now I've leave it with the simple revelation that we are plotting forever together and I couldn't be happier!
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