my SNRI

Venlafaxine hydrochloride.
Brand name Effexor.
A Serotonin and Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor.
A SNRI.
Works by boosting serotonin and norepinephedrine levels in the synapses of the brain.

Effexor- the drug I both love and hate.

I've taken Effexor since I was in highschool.

75 milligrams. 150 milligrams.

Red or orange capsules.

225 milligrams. Round little white pill that I take half of each day.

Whatever this little pill does to the synapses in my brain seems to help me. It calms my brain down. Allows me to control my thoughts. Mainly the anxious thoughts that overwhelm my mind. It calms my symtoms. Racing heart. Shaky hands. Nervous stomach.

Almost completely prevents the panic attacks.

It doesn't illeviate my fears but it takes the edge off. Helps me to think rationally enough to know that my phobias and fears are irrational. As long as I can remember that simple thought I can function with the fear. Push through it.

I hate that it takes a little pill to accomplish that. That I can't seem to accomplish normal thoughts on my own.

I hate myself for that.

Hate that I depend on a pill

A pill that makes me sick if I forget to take it. Makes me sick even if I'm a few hours late taking it. Headache. Stomach sickness. Severe dizziness. Cold sweats. Nausua. And this indescrible feeling like little electric shocks firing in my brain. My head feels like it's way too big and whenever I turn my head it's almost as if I can feel my brain sloshing around. It's the strangest feeling ever.

Makes me feel like an addict going through withdrawals. Only it's a prescribed drug. And I only take the prescribed dosage.

I've been off of it before. I simply have to slowly dose down and I'm good. No horrible sickness. But eventually, a month or so after the last of the medicine is out of my system, I'm slowly overwhelmed by fears, phobias, depression and anxieties again.

I know I'm better on the medicine.

I know I have to take it.

I know others will think less of me for taking it.

I know that atleast some others will understand.

I also know that the best thing I can do is to be honest about my little orange, red, or sometimes white pills.

Honest with myself and honest with others.

So feel free to ask about my serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor and I'll be honest with you to.