Happy Fifth Anniversary!!! (a little late)

Sixteen year old Brian and eighteen year old me!!! (It's not the best pic but it's the oldest of us together.)

December 27th, 2003

Brian and I now... five years of marriage... god willing many more to come!!!

How it all started:

We met during high school in the fall of 2000 when we had fourth period earth science together. At first I didn't like Brian at all. He was loud and obnoxious. A trouble-maker and a class clown. Secretly I thought he was a pothead!!! (If only you could have seen him then you would understand. He had spiky hair with blond tips and probably every other day or so wore this grateful dead tye-dye shirt with cut-off camouflage shorts and shoes with grinding plates on the bottom!!!)One of the first things I think he ever said to me was to sniff me, laugh and say that I smelled like fish. What an endearing compliment. But what can I say, you do and say the strangest things when you're a sixteen year old boy.Yet somehow this strange little creature began to grow on me. I looked forward to going to class and seeing his bright blue eyes shining and hearing his constant laughter and jokes. Our teacher and Brian made this silly bet about him making a hundred on the next test. (For Brian in those days 100's were few and far between) So on my eighteenth birthday he called me and I helped him study for the test. I made a 102 and my loud, obnoxious, smiling, funny Brian made a 103. Of course he found this beyond hilarious and nearly eight years later I still here about that test. After the test in true high school kid fashion we began writing notes back and forth and I wrote this absolutely silly little note to him on December 6th telling him that I liked him. That night he called me up and asked me to be his girlfriend. How cute and innocent our story began. Somehow I doubt that teenagers today have quite the same stories. So since December 6th , 2000 we've been Brian and Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Brian. Hardly ever one without the other. We did have a few on again off again times during our dating days but we're not counting those : ) After eight years together and five years of marriage I couldn't imagine my life without him. And if I were being honest sometimes whenever he wears his favorite camouflage shorts I wish he'd throw on a tye-dye shirt, grinding shoes, spike his hair, and sniff me just for old times sake!

Apart for X-mas :(

Leave it to the Navy to screw up my holiday plans!! Brian didn't put in to take leave over the holiday weekend so now as a result he gets to have duty the week of Christmas and the following weekend. Port and Starboard duty- which means he's on duty every other night. "Duty" only means he has to call in that morning and check in but he could possibly get called to come in which means he's not allowed but so many miles from base and since North Carolina is just over 400 miles away... looks like, for Brian atleast, North Carolina is a no go. I however am still planning on going to the good old NC for Christmas. Considering that my dad's mom just passed away a few months ago and my two remaining grandparents aren't in the best of health I just feel like I need to be there for Christmas. I've never had a Christmas outside of North Carolina... it just wouldn't seem like Christmas if I wasn't there. In 2005 Brian got home 5 days before Christmas. In 2006 he was on the USS Mason in the Persian Gulf. Last year he was home and we actually got to spend Christmas in North Carolina together. But it looks like this year we'll be spending the holiday apart again. I'll be chilling with my family in the lovely little town of Salisbury and Brian will be here in Jax having lunch with his bike club and going to the movies with his friend Stu. Sounds like his Christmas is going to be a blast. So thanks again to the USN- they sure know how to make the holiday season fantastic.

Pics from our last Christmas spent apart. The first pic is Brian helping decorate the shop he worked in on the ship. The second is when he called me and I opened his presents for him and told him what they were. It was Christmas eve for me but already Christmas in the Persian Gulf where he was at. The third picture I took to send him on Christmas day. (Wow. Just ignore the crazy red eyes I'm sporting. )

It's Beginning to Look alot Like Christmas

Sid Vicious- Only the coolest, most awesome dog ever!!

Good? Bad? Definately Cheap.

I managed to drag the hubby out Christmas shopping with me today. (Which was quite a feat in itself.) So while buying presents for others I decided to treat myself with a little present too! Tis the season for giving and all but what's wrong with just a little "getting" amongst all of that giving? Right? Anyway. Back on topic. I wanted a new pair of pajama pants from Old Navy. Just the other week Old Navy had all pajama bottoms on sale for $10, so I want in there planning on spending only $10. Problem was they weren't on sale anymore for ten but rather were full price at fifteen. Yeah, yeah that's only a five dollar difference but hey five dollars is five dollars. Well I quickly realized that the pajama pants in the girls section were still on sale for ten. And yes I do mean the little girls section. So here was my dilemma- pay fifteen dollars and walk out with my dignity?. (What 26 year old woman shops for clothes in the little girls section?) Or do I save the five extra dollars, tell the clerk they're a present for my younger cousin, then secretly take the home and wear them myself?

Needless to say I am now the proud owner of some very cute size XL GIRLS pajama pants and my bank account balance is $5 higher because of my cheapness. Dignity be damned!!!

HSL 40 Christmas Party

Full circle

My life has come full circle. Today makes the 365th day since I was pregnant. A full year seperates Brian and I from our baby. Or in more exact terms the loss of our baby. It seems like it should be years that seperate us from that moment, thousands and thousands of days not just 365 short ones. A year ago I never thought I would get over that moment. The moment when our child appeared in grainy black and white on the ultrasound screen. Perfect in every way except that his/her tiny little heart was no longer beating. I never thought I'd get over the anger. The hurt. Frustration. Tears. Of being forced to let go. Never knowing what our little one would have looked like, sounded like, smelled like... I could go on and on about how 365 days ago I didn't see how I was ever going to move on from that moment.

Yet here I am and moved on I did. Whether from choice or because life simply carries you forward inspite of yourself who's to say. But 365 days later I'm here and I'm whole and I'm okay. I no longer feel angry when I look back on what Brian and I lost... I no longer want for what could have been. I'm grateful for the fourteen weeks that I carried our child. I'm grateful that for atleast a little while our baby existed inside of me, in our hearts and minds and in our dreams. And oh what big dreams we had for that little one. I still get weekly emails from some babysite that tells me what my six month old would be doing now. I might not have a six month old but I like the simple reminder of what might have been. I like to remember... sometimes I'm afraid I don't remember enough. Remembering is all I have left and I feel blessed by the fact that I can recall our baby's image to mind and have it bring a smile to my face and not a frown.