Quote of the moment...

"Live life fully while you are here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up. You're going to anyway so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."

the things we do...

You do some of the craziest stuff ever when entertaining eleven two year olds all day. Never imagined I'd be filling latex gloves up with water, poking holes in the fingers, and helping the kids "milk the cow." Jacksonville kids... most who've never seen a real live cow... milking pretend udders... (which they thoroughly enjoyed by the way!)... wow... oh the things we do!!!

What I've learned Wednesdays...

1) If I'm being completely honest with myself Brian is always going to be one of my best friends. (I do realize the sheer wierdness factor of that statement.) You can't really argue or talk yourself out of the friendships that life gives you. You accept them. You remember to be thankful for them. And you don't dwell on the whole we shouldn't be friends it's kind of weird factor. Having true friends that you love and care about the same as family... that's priceless!

2) Decisions and choices are rarely ever black and white sort of things. There's always a million shades of gray in the middle.

3) Someone thinking that I am wrong is sometimes worse for me than actutally being wrong.

4) Gunmetal gray is my current fave nailpolish color and I'm totally digging my new black with silver skulls tank top I just bought for $5.17

5) I want more in life than I currently have. (But then again doesn't almost everybody?)

6) It's really 4am on a Sunday and I'm about to hit publish post on a "What I've learned Wednesdays..." title. Oh well... sometimes you've got to expand your horizons and bend the rules just a little so here's a "What I've learned Wednesday" on a "I shouldn't be up this freaking early Sunday."

Love this!!!

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security

And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head held high and your eyes wide open

With the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child

After awhile you learn to build your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

After awhile you learn that even sunshine

Burns if you get too much

So you plant your garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn... and you learn

With every goodbye you learn

Good to be well :)

It was back to work today after being sick since Saturday night. And though it was nice to have my work week start on Wednesday (it ends on friday!) it definitely was not nice being sick for four days :(
Now I will be the first to admit that I'm not the toughest girl when it comes to being sick but this was one of those can't even drag your butt out of bed - wanna cry- just knock me out and put me out of my misery kind of sick. On Sunday night when David came home to find me half passed out on the bathroom floor he decided it was time for a little ER visit.
I spent 5 hrs @ the hospital mostly in the bathroom puking (or more accurately non-puking: that phase when your brain still hasn't caught on to the fact that there's absolutely nothing left in your stomach to come up but you're still leaning over the toilet hacking and heaving and coughing anyway.) And when I wasn't engaged in all that loveliness I was sitting in a chair in the hallway of the ER because there wasn't an available room and since I wasn't a life threatening case I didn't get first priority. Couldn't they see I was dying just from sheer misery?!? In hindsight maybe I wasn't dying but still all I really wanted was a nice little IV and some nice little medicine to keep me from throwing up the last remnants of my stomach lining in there germ infested bathroom. And I couldn't get the previously mentioned niceness until I got a room!!!
Of course I eventually did get my IV and my medicine and the lovely Dr. Goodfriend (yes that was his name!!) told me the great news that whatever I had appeared to be viral and apart from giving me some meds to help with the puking there wasn't much he could do. Blah!!!
So needless to say Monday and Tuesday my poor little immune system was involved in World War Three and I was one unhappy gal :(
Short story long, and perhaps a little gross I'm finally feeling better and it was great to be back at work today with my fabulous kids!
Oh and a little shout out to my beyond wonderful boyfriend who took great care of me and even sat with my sad little puking self til 3 am in the ER even though he knew he had to be up @ six the next morning for his annual PT test. Can you say a mile and a half run, countless push ups and sit ups on like two hours of sleep?!?
And that is why I luv that guy :)

misplaced willpower

I haven't really been able to get myself on the whole weight loss, eat healthy and exercise bandwagon. I seriously lack any amount of willpower when it comes to this area... I lack willpower in lots of areas to be truthfully honest but that is beside the point. In fact I'm so unfamiliar with willpower that I'm not even sure if it's one word or two. Willpower or will power... who knows?!
Lack of will power (or willpower) aside, I'm back down to 125 on the scale. And yes I know the exact number because I went back to the previously mentioned terrifying aisle and purchased one! I should atleast get some points for bravery right?
The only thing I have been doing lately is being aware of what I put in my mouth. (let's not turn that sentence into anything dirty because you guys know what I mean!!!) I've cut back some on my soda and I haven't bought anything of the sweet sugary goodness variety lately.
But as for really putting in some serious effort... nope, nada, zilch. Which in turn makes me feel real guilty when poor Dave has to hear me complain once again about my tight jeans and my muffin top making an unwelcome appearance. I haven't even really earned the right to complain since I'm not giving 110% of my effort to fix the problem.
Next time I get home from work and I'm just too tired to workout or I run by McDonalds for a quick lunch I need to think of this post, or the numbers on the scale or the fact that I had to rig my work pants the other day because they refused to button... if I could force myself to remember even just one of these things maybe I'd be able to summon up some of that possibly misspelled misplaced willpower of mine and make the healthier choice instead of the the easier one.

133

The other day David and I were wondering around Walmart trying to kill time because it was pouring outside and we didn't particularly feel like wading thru one of Florida's torrential thunderstorms to get to the truck. We were looking for zip ties for some project he's working on and we, or rather I, had the misfortune of wondering down the aisle with all of the scales. In hindsight I should have known better but being ever curious I just had to step on one to see how much weight I had actually gained over the past six months or so.
133 pounds was the shocking red number staring back at me!!
I know I'm probably going to have people who want to angrily pelt me with the powered donuts that I so love for daring to complain about the scale reading 133 pounds but that is a lot of weight to me. I've never weighed this much before. All of my pants give me muffin top. My boobs are busting out of my bras and all of my cute panties can now be featured in a "crack kills" commercial.
133 pounds just isn't okay to me. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew I was eating healthy and exercising... but I'm not doing either of those things. The hard part for me to swallow is that I have never done any of those things and now here I am not sure where to start.
I guess I should just take a minute and be grateful that for 27 years of my life I never had to worry about "looking in shape" or being "skinny" I just was. And yes sadly I will say that I took it for granted. I've never developed healthy eating habits or followed an exercise routine. Guess I'm paying the price for that now.
And though it may sound weird a small part of me is kinda glad for my body finally turning on me and paying me back for all those countless cans of soda. I need to eat heathly for my heart and even though I've known that my heart isn't healthy for while now it's a lot easier to ignore your heart because you can't see it. Now that my body is starting to look unhealthy...atleast to me anyway :(... it gives me a visual reminder to watch what I'm putting in my mouth. (And yes I do realize how horribly vain it sounds to state that it's easier to eat healthy for my appearance than for my heart but that's a discussion about insecurites and self esteem best saved for another day.) I have found that being naturally thin isn't really much of an ego boost... you'd think it would be but it's not really. Actually having to work at being healthy and in shape is going to be something that I can be proud of. An actual accomplishment rather than just having been born with good genes.
I'm shooting for 120 pounds which I think is a good weight for me being that I'm fairly petite at 5'2. So I'm saying a fond farewell to that scary, depression inducing number 133... I'm glad you could stop by to visit to help get my butt in gear but I'm sorry to say that (hopefully!!!) you won't be staying around for very long.