Pregnancy has taught me...

1) We don't scrub our toilets nearly enough.
2) Some foods were never meant to be thrown up. Ice cream tastes horrible the second time around, mash potatoes come up in nasty clumps and rice returns pretty much as swallowed. Perhaps I should work on my chewing!
3) EVERYONE will ask you how you are feeling which will eventually wear on your nerves and make you want to give some rather inappropriate replys. So far I have restrained myself but I'm only 8 weeks so just give me time!!!
4) My stomach hates me!
5) I would choose diarrhea over constipation anyday!
and
6) I will definitely not miss the compulsion to check the toilet paper for even the most microscopic twinge of blood everytime I wipe!

Six weeks

If I could sum up week six of this pregnancy it would be puking, puking and more puking!!!

Oh how I despise those women who just rave about how easy their pregnancy was and how wonderful they felt.

*&!#$Insert profanity here*&!#$

So far I absolutely hate being pregnant!!!

I lack the words to adequately describe how I feel. At best my body just feels weird, like something is off. My skin feels strange and my stomach feels funny. At my worst I'm hovering over the toilet puking my guts out, feeling like my insides are being ripped apart by terrible gas pains, with the world spinning around me and my head pounding relentlessly.

For the most part I've been curled up in a little ball either on the couch or on the bed. At first I was only sick on and off. Since wednesday evening I've been throwing up atleast 10 times a day... starting friday night I threw up anything solid that I tried to eat.

If I eat, I puke.

If I move, I puke.

It feels like if I even breath wrong, I puke.

I absolutely hate all of the food commercials on tv.

I can't stand kisses or Greg trying to cuddle up to me.

I hate car rides... what don't I hate at the moment, lol?!

The ob prescribed me zofran which I've heard is a miracle drug for some but it didn't work well for me. It works by suppressing serotonin and my anxiety medicine that I'm dosing off of works by increasing seretonin so in my nonexpert opinion I think both meds are canceling each other out. Not to mention that the ob wants me to take 1 pill every 12 hours but my insurance will only pay for 12 pills every 15 days. I'm not all that good at math but even I know that doesn't add up!

The one bright side to this week was Greg's winging ceremony. For almost two years now Gregory has worked towards this moment so luckily I managed to pull myself together enough to celebrate this day with him and our parents. The night before I was an emotional wreck, throwing up and trying to find something to wear that fit since I have that lovely early pregnancy bloat. But luckily I made it threw the next morning and the entire ceremony; plus lunch at Cracker Barrel before I started puking again... at these stage in the game I guess you gotta celebrate the little things!

Best Doctor's Appointment Ever!!

And we have a heartbeat!!!!

Plus the most adorable baby blob I've ever seen, lol :)

its gonna be a long night

It's 2 am and I can't sleep.

Tomorrow we have an ultrasound. And I wish it was sheer excitement that has me awake.

Instead it's the cold hard reality that you don't always get to see your miracle on that screen.

I can already feel my adrenaline pumping, my heart racing just a few beats faster, the anxiety and panic setting in. I'm trying to stay positive but quite honestly I'm scared shitless by what tomorrow could bring.

And sure I'll handle whatever happens to be thrown my way but oh how I want to see that little heartbeat flickering away on screen! There's been few things in life that I've ever wanted more than this.

But wanting something doesn't make it happen.

And frankly though I ask for prayers, I don't think praying for something makes it happen.

Hell, even thinking you fully deserve something doesn't make it happen.

Admitting total loss of control over something is hard. But whether we see a healthy baby or an empty sac tomorrow is completely out of our hands.

We know what we want.

We know what we think we deserve.

We just don't know what we are going to get.

And for a girl who has stared at that ultrasound screen before and felt like she just lost tonight is one of the hardest nights of them all.

dear baby Stewart

Yesterday your daddy got you one step closer to no longer being an illegitamate baby, lol!!! He might have been a little nervous... considering he did drop the ring and there was the fact that he almost forgot to get down on one knee... but nevertheless we are officially engaged and we're incredible excited to be one step closer to being our own little family of three!!

And we most not forget to give a shoutout to your great grandma who made this much BLING possible by passing down her diamond ring to your daddy.