Blah

Feeling kinda blah lately... with this restless unsettled sort of feeling.

Maybe it's that things with Brian aren't settled, paper work wise atleast. Just wish that I had the ability to snap my fingers and go back to being unmarried and unaffected by it all. I'm just ready to be officially divorced and fully free to move on with my life.

Or it could be that work has been kinda so-so lately. I love working with what I affectionally refer to as my kids. And I truly love some of the girls that I work with but lately I feel fairly unappreciated at the end of the day and def underpaid for what I do. And I think it's not even the underpayment that gets to me. It's just this generally working enviroment of it's never good enough... I feel like most days I bust my butt but it's all for nothing. The kids appreciate it and that should be all that matters... I need to just keep reminding myself of that fact. A big part of me thinks that it might be time to move on and start over fresh somewhere new... some place where I can make more of a difference.

And though I hate to admit it a small part of me is sad since I can only stand on the sideline as so many of my friends are starting their own families and here I am breaking mine. And yes I've met someone new... who I have come to love and I am genuinely excited for our future together... but we are so far from being in that place where we would start a family together. A part of me is sad to not be at that place in my life. It's hard to have to let go of that dream for now.

So for tonight I guess it's just blah for me... thankfully tomorrow is another day and I can't feel blah forever.