Body and Heart Healthy??

So far mission "Body and Heart Healthy" (or atleast that's what I am dubbing it as of today... when I come up with a more catchy slogan I'll get back to you!) has completely tanked!!!
The first day I absolutely did nothing. And by nothing I mean coming home from work, grabbing a bacon cheeseburger, tater tots, and a sweet tea from Sonic and sitting my butt on the couch for the majority of the night.
Today wasn't much better but I did put in a little half hearted effort by popping in the P90X dvd and making it twenty minutes through before collasping on the floor with rubbery legs and a cramp in my side. Hmmm.... might have been the quarterpounder and fries I had not just an hour before my half hearted attempt to exercise. Or perhaps it was the fact that other than my greasy McDonalds excuse for a meal the only other thing I ate all day was powdered sugar donuts and a Mt. Dew!!
See I told you I was horrible!!! Tomorrow is a new day and I intend to do better. On the bright side I don't think I could do much worse. And considering that the bloodpressure reading is still not so great... 142/96 with a heart rate of 99... I can't afford not to do better.

Blah

Feeling kinda blah lately... with this restless unsettled sort of feeling.

Maybe it's that things with Brian aren't settled, paper work wise atleast. Just wish that I had the ability to snap my fingers and go back to being unmarried and unaffected by it all. I'm just ready to be officially divorced and fully free to move on with my life.

Or it could be that work has been kinda so-so lately. I love working with what I affectionally refer to as my kids. And I truly love some of the girls that I work with but lately I feel fairly unappreciated at the end of the day and def underpaid for what I do. And I think it's not even the underpayment that gets to me. It's just this generally working enviroment of it's never good enough... I feel like most days I bust my butt but it's all for nothing. The kids appreciate it and that should be all that matters... I need to just keep reminding myself of that fact. A big part of me thinks that it might be time to move on and start over fresh somewhere new... some place where I can make more of a difference.

And though I hate to admit it a small part of me is sad since I can only stand on the sideline as so many of my friends are starting their own families and here I am breaking mine. And yes I've met someone new... who I have come to love and I am genuinely excited for our future together... but we are so far from being in that place where we would start a family together. A part of me is sad to not be at that place in my life. It's hard to have to let go of that dream for now.

So for tonight I guess it's just blah for me... thankfully tomorrow is another day and I can't feel blah forever.

Getting healthy

I've finally decided to buckle down and really take a look @ my health. I'm 27 (not getting any younger!!!) and I already have high enough bloodpressure that the doctor's want to put me on blood pressure meds. I probably drink at least four cans of soda a day, never exercise, and live off a steady diet of fast food with a little junk food thrown in for good measure. Yeah I know... horrible right?! And now my clothes are starting to get tight (granted they are a size three) but still sooner or later my metabolism isn't going to be able to keep up with my diet. But regardless of whether or not I look healthy on the outside I know I'm not healthy on the inside. And since we were speaking of that wonderful nectar of the gods... here's a Mt. Dew toast to me getting healthier and making my heart happier without the use of any blood pressure meds!

...

You know what I've recently realized... I had a whole lot more to say when I was pissed off at Brian or scared to death of facing the world all on my own. And if you really think about it in all reality that is sort of sad. Shouldn't I have just as much to say if not more since my life has begun to fall into place again... or no that's actually misleading... things didn't just fall into place I pushed and pulled and forced them into place. It's sort of like I'm making a new life for myself now with only pieces of the old one remaining. I'm liking this new life of mine. It's never what I imagined for myself at 27 but I am honestly happy with where I'm at and where I'm going... but as I totally and completely wander off course as per usual and thoroughly butcher proper grammer and sentence structure with my run on sentences and incessant ... dot... dot... dots... the point I was getting at all along is I can easily write, rant and rave when things AREN'T going great so let's see if I can do a better job at writing and keeping track of things when they ARE going great. Dot... dot... dot.. The End. For now...