moving on?

This evening Brian went to bike night and I got the bright idea to clean or more specifically to clean/organize our throw-everything-into-it-and-shut-the-door-room, aka the room that we refer to as the baby's room or the nursury. Stupid me, again. I thought that I could handle it... had put all of those stupid wasted tears behind me... but after coming across what were to be the baby's things and hearing that damn George Strait song (I saw God today) on my random playlist... needless to say I lost it... so here I am surronding by trashbags filled with things to throw away and give away, boxes, and an almost empty closet with a few lonely 0-3 months onesies and baby clothes... yep here I am in the same place I was December 12th... empty, sad, bitter, wanting... wanting something so much and so badly... yet not knowing if I will ever have it... not sure if I could hold it together if we conceived and lost another one... so where does that leave me? (other than on the floor typing and crying over things lost but never forgotten?)