My own answers.

For as long as I can remember my faith has always seemed to be in this constant state of tug-of-war. Always push. Pull. Love. Hate. Acceptance. Defiance. I never seem to find a constant way of being. Of believing. Am I wrong to think there should be some kind of constant, some order to my beliefs? Why can I be so sure of God for a few minutes and yet so doubtful during all the other long hours of the day. Organized religion baffles me. How can so many people of different religions be so confident that their faith isn't misplaced. Obviously someones is. Everyone cannot possible be right. In the same token everyone can't possible be wrong. I guess I worry because I have never known anything other than Christianity. Do I blindly follow simply because I haven't been taught anything else? I think faith like that is weak. If we accepted everything we have been taught at face value where would that leave us. If you believe in God simply because Christianity has been drilled into your head from infancy on what good is it? How would you ever know if God was real or just some idea you've had force fed to you since you could talk? If I'd been born into a Buddist family those ideas and values are all I would have been exposed to. To simply accept what you've been raised to believe, would seem to me, a great disservice to yourself and to your God. If I'd been taught from elementary school on that there where fifteen planets in our solar system and that three others were exactly like earth that's what I would have believed from then on. I would never have any way of ever knowing that what I had learned was false. I want my belief to be built on my own foundation not that of my mother's or my grandmother's. I want to learn and discover on my own who and what God is to me. A personal relationship with God... that's what I'm after. Not a belief that waffles and threatens to leave me stranded when I need it the most. That is why I question. If you don't ever question God you'll never get any answers. And that's what I want most. My own answers. Not everyone elses. Simply my own.